well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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