Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think my moral compass just broke
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
