Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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