she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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