So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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