she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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