Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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