My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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