I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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