Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
