Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
