why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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