Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
