i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
BRING THE BAGELS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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