I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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