dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
