What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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