I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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