i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
