Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
