Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
