Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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