Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
