We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up under a house in Key West
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
