I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
