I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
