I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
