bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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