i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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