puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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