I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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