every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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