I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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