My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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