There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
