I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
