but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
