so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
