Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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