They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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