Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
