All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
