dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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