When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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