No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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