Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
