I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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