please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
