hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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