He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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