mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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